Five years ago I had the misfortune of beginning a relationship one week before Valentine’s day.
Long hours and many glasses of wine were consumed trying to develop the perfect strategy to court this new woman, and this most saccharine of holidays was proving to be an obstacle. According to friends’ counsel, my decision would hinge on the message I wanted to communicate.
When we are unsure of an important outcome (like whether he will ever call) we, quite naturally, think about it.
And perhaps the more a potential positive outcome (a date) is on our mind, the more we come to value and desire that outcome.
After six months there were a lot of emails back and forth between many men but nothing promising.
In early January my six month renewal was coming up and I was not going to renew, but with the prodding of my daughter and reading your articles I though, ok I will try another six months.
Some seminal data suggests that honesty is the best policy. After all, it feels good to be liked by others, so to win his heart you should aim to be the source of such feelings. In the words of Vince Vaughn, “If you call too soon you might scare off a beautiful baby who’s ready to party”.
Shower the object of your desire with attention and gifts. Indeed, one of the principle tenets of the burgeoning pick-up artist business is to mildly insult your prospective partner – “neg” her. Of course, Hollywood scripts and the subjective musings of sex-crazed twenty somethings do not a theory make.
When we started on the Private Coaching, Jessica was despondent. I spent an entire session talking Jessica off the ledge, reminding her that this bad experience was no reason to quit, reassuring her that there are quality men just like her out there. This is not to say that you shouldn’t expect a ring after 2-3 years.
When trying to establish a relationship is it better to play hard to get or is it better to wear one’s heart on one’s sleeve?
Psychologists have had little to say on this matter for quite some time.
The longer we stare at that phone and wonder, the more desperately we want it to ring.
Erin Whitchurch, Tim Wilson and Dan Gilbert sought to test this possibility in a recent study published in the journal Psychological Science.
So just sit back, enjoy the ride, and realize that the right man will WANT to commit to you by his own volition. Evan, Ladies this is a story about not giving up like Evan says.